Louis' Photo Journal
  My path has been long and hard. This blood in my veins was never my choice. I shall never obey their traditions. The covenant, yes, but not the Vulcan traditions. I shall sire who I please, outside of their blood, let them have their gypsy cousins.   For all my imperfections, all my dark secrets, all these beautiful women fall in love with me. Why do they love me, when I neglect them so? When I keep myself so aloof of them? Perhaps there is truth in attracting women by playing hard to get, only I am not playing. I am not even sure that I know what love is anymore. I want to feel love...I just have not met the one who arrests my soul. The only one who shall ever know what I seek, is the one I find.   I love pleasure. I also love some pain, just not too much of it. I do not live for sex, for debouchery, as some do. I could do without it altogether if I felt no affection at all for those beautiful women and boys I keep company with. My children, they need me. They bring me so much pride and contentment, who am I am to deny them their needs? Pity the children who disappoint me. I can no more help who I am that what I am.   I have known men who did not fear death. I am not among them. I guess there is life in me yet. To have no fear, one must already be dead. So much pain...There is so much pain in my soul that sometimes all I can feel are the demons of my past, tearing at me, and haunting me. The memories never fade. I wait for time to take them from me, but evidentally, I am destined to remember them always. Forbidden to forget where I came from. I have almost grown accustomed to the crushing torment of them. These things and my agony I keep to myself. It is disturbing enough to know that I have friends, and those who haunt me, who know my weaknesses. |